August 22, 2014

Welcome to Texas, Mrs. Detweiler!

Sue Detweiler and I are mutual followers on Twitter. This morning, I read a blog post by her talking about her family's move to the Dallas area to plant a church. So, I want to say to Sue and her family, Welcome to Texas!

So, let me give you the real deal about your new area, Sue.

Hold on.

OK, I'm back.

It took me a few minutes to stop laughing.

You moved to Texas in AUGUST???!?!?!?!
Well, the good thing is it won't get any hotter than this.

Next, is that Dallas-area people have strange difficulties in relating to the weather.

They'll complain about how humid it gets. They're deluded. As a life-long Houstonian, I can vouch that none of them understand humidity. August in Dallas is much more pleasant than August in Houston. It feels like a desert to me up there.

They don't seem to understand how to drive safely in the rain. Actually, they don't seem to know how to drive safely at all. Dalllas drivers are aggressive, and those are the friendly ones! They do things on the freeways that would get you shot in Houston.

I don't know what Winter is like where you're from Sue, but up in Dallas it can get pretty cold. The bigger problem is that it gets windy. Really windy. There's a good reason for the old joke about the only thing that blocks the North wind in Dallas is the three strands of barbed wire on the Oklahoma-Kansas border.

Speaking of North. After you're here a bit, you'll notice that when used in conjunction with the word "Texas", direction words are always capitalized. There is no such place as "north Texas" or "east Texas." It is ALWAYS "North Texas", "SouthEast Texas", etc. "West Texas" is sometimes "West, Texas" but the latter is in Central Texas.

I'll let you learn about Deep East Texas on your own. Besides, you probably had hillbillies in Tennessee, I'm guessing.

I'm guessing your church plant will do well in the Dallas area. Dallas people love to go to church. The only place I can think of that might have more churches per capita in Texas is possibly Abilene. And they love to talk about which church they go to. Try not to get caught up in the name-dropping, celebrity preacher ethos up there. You'll find tons of super good folks that do Christ's work in the shadows if you just preach the truth of His love first and foremost.

I love Dallas and Dallas people, even if they do need to learn to drive better. I hope your church is fruitful, and that you get a chance to see more of this beautiful state. Oh, in these parts, distance is measured in hours, not miles. A four-hour drive is not a long drive in Texas. I've done Houston to Dallas and back as a day trip many times.


One more thing...

You will eventually learn that Satan lives in Dallas. He owns the Cowboys.

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