I've been processing some things over the past few days and had quite a moment of clarity as a result.
Fours years ago, I had an unrequited love knock me on my butt, so to speak. I was at what was probably the most healthy and whole point in my life, spiritually and emotionally. The problem wasn't so much getting knocked on my butt as it was my lazy refusal to get back up and go on with living my life. Fast forward through three years of isolation and depression, and I found myself with an even more amazing love, one that I couldn't have imagined. Things could have been beyond my wildest dreams, but the depression was still hanging on to me. Or so I thought.
The real problem within me was the laziness. Instead of doing the work on the things that needed to be taken care of, and stepping back into the good internal life that I once had, I simply waited for these things to be cured by osmosis. Doesn't really work that way, does it?
A couple of hours ago, I realized that the happiness and goodness I once had in my life was still there, waiting for me to stand up and take ownership of it. I have some new wounds to work on healing now, but the old wounds that I had worked on are healed; I was merely deluding myself by rubbing on the scars and telling myself they were still bleeding.
I remember now that I am absolutely perfect at one thing: being human. I make mistakes, have flaws that need work, and dull edges that need sharpening. I remember how to use the tools I was once given, and where His tool room and infirmary are. I remember now that good interpersonal relationships start with a good relationship with myself and God, and I'm ready to get back to work on those.
I have some bridges to rebuild from the past few years. Some were burned, others fell apart from neglect and disrepair. I'm very thankful for the people that have built bridges reaching out to my isolation these past couple of years. They know who they are, and I love them dearly.
The birds are beginning to wake and sing now. Soon, a new day will dawn across this town, and also in my soul.