Who Am I, Part Two: The Orphan

In my previous post, I wrote of who I am in God's view, in terms of a relationship with Him, and His promises. It's important to understand who I am in relationship to myself, and why I so desperately need the gifts He offers.


I'm a fraud.

A lying, deceitful fraud.

Ask me how I'm doing, and I'll tell you that I'm feeling great, and everything is fine. Can't have you thinking I'm weak or needy. I'll even pretend to be interested in how you're doing, but in my mind, a dozen things are vying for the top position of my attention. Important things, mind you, like worrying about something that may or may not happen tomorrow, or trying to set aside some time for self-loathing.

The funny thing is that when my mind is occupied with those boogeymen and imagined needs, I rarely stop to think about what my true needs are.

Who Am I: The Adopted

It's a cool, rainy day today. Sitting in my workshop, watching the rain fall, I'm thinking about a question posed in a Bible class that I currently attend: Who am I, really?

Looking below the surface at this question brings up a lot of strong feelings in me. Am I my mistakes, my errors, my failures? Many days, I feel that way. But those define me only if I choose to let them; they are simply a part of me and what I have done in life.

New Year's Day

It's going to be a good day, and I believe this year will be better than the last (all in all, last year was much better for me than many previous years.)

One thing I know that will be better is my spiritual growth. We have some great classes coming up at our church, and I'll be able to participate in several of them. I think I'm looking forward to that the most this year. Along with that comes feeding my soul better things. I have several books on my Kindle by N. T. Wright, Henri Nouwen, Francis Chan, Rob Bell, and others that I will get through in the first quarter this year.

Christmas Gifts

I was just watching the local morning news and the station had asked on their Facebook page if people had gotten the gift they wanted. After a night and morning of listening to Andrew Peterson's "Behold The Lamb of God", the joy so many people take in materialism struck me wistfully.

Love.

It's the only real gift there is.

Seeking Balance

"Tradition is the living faith of those who are dead; traditionalism is the dead faith of those who are living." - Jaroslav Pelikan.

Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth / But the LORD is in His holy temple. Let all the earth be silent before Him. 

O clap your hands, all peoples; Shout to God with the voice of joy / Guard your steps as you go to the house of God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for they do not know they are doing evil. 

Praise him with tambourine and dancing / Be still, and know that I am God.

So many seemingly conflicting statements about worship in the Old Testament.
So many churches that choose one or the other for their style of worship.

The Joy of the Lord.

This morning we had Children's Sabbath at my church. Normally, we have an introductory section of the service, then the children leave to have their own service geared towards their needs and understanding. Today was different in that the children were the service. Not just the focus of the service, but the chief participants. They sang as the choir, led the prayers, and in the course of hearing the lesson delivered to them by the children's ministers, delivered a powerful one themselves.

The lesson to them was of the parable of the mustard seed, but that wasn't the message delivered to me. Watching them read their verses and lead the prayers, Mt 18:3 was the first thing to come to my mind: "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the Kingdom of Heaven." After a few moments of contemplating that verse, and seeing their excitement, energy, and happiness, my mind went immediately to the verse from Nehemiah: "The joy of the Lord is your strength."

His joy, not mine.

Becoming my strength.

Droughts

Finally got a tiny amount of rain last here in drought-stricken Texas last night. Grasses have been shriveling up, trying to keep only their cores alive until the return of proper rain. Leaves and branches are falling off of trees that are putting all of their energy into extending roots to grasp at any bit of moisture they can find.

When it comes to our spiritual droughts of love, we're not much different from plants in our behavior. Our inner beauty starts to wither as we desperately try to make some sort of connection that will satisfy our need for love. Like a tree, many of these roots fail to find nourishment. Some find a temporary source, then fade. Only one root can reach the true source of the living water that provides the fullness to our souls.

Routines

Some people do a lot better with changes to their normal routine than others do. I'm one of those that doesn't do very well with changes to my daily routine, and it seems even harder to get myself back to equilibrium once things go back to normal. My posting here has gotten out of my normal schedule because I had a three-week change in my work schedule as my boss was on vacation and I was covering the office during her absence. I figured I would simply pop right back into my previous writing schedule in a couple of days after she returned, but I just haven't been able to do that.

An Introvert's Place in a Church Community

Over the past decade or so there has been a huge upswing in the amount of talk/discussion/sermonizing about being a part of a church 'community' or 'family.' Listening to these discussions, you'd tend to believe that it is somehow wrong, or even sinful, to keep your spiritual life largely to yourself while simply attending just the weekly worship services. This misconception is understandable, especially knowing that preachers are almost all extroverts, as are the majority of people they encounter and work with. Getting the introverts to be a comfortable part of a church community takes understanding and work from both the extroverts and the introverts, but it can be done effectively and lovingly.

Vision of the Heart

As an amateur photographer, it has always been interesting to me to hear what people think about my photos. I get a lot of good input from my photographer friends about composition, processing, and such, but I really enjoy hearing from non-photographers when they talk about what thoughts and feelings one of my photos invokes. It's amazing to me how different people can look at the same photo and see so many different things and stories in the picture, especially since I rarely have a conscious idea of any kind of story in a photo, I simply see something that catches my interest, and try to capture the image as best I can.