Vulnerability v. False Sensitivity in the Healing Process

After a night of tossing and turning in bed over some discussion of healing and vulnerability last night, some things are becoming clearer to me after a few cups of coffee this morning.

There is a big difference between being hurt and being offended.

And there is a big difference between being offended by something and being disgusted by something.


If I say something in anger that is designed to hit someone at a weak spot, then that is purely my meanness, and the fault lies solely with me. If I'm simply stating my experience and my belief, and it somehow offends someone, then the fault is not with me, but rather with the listener.

If someone says or does something that offends me, it is solely my responsibility, because we each choose the things that offend us. Perhaps it is not a conscious decision, but it is our own choice. If something someone says or does disgusts me, it is because that has touched the deepest parts of my heart and soul.

God's law is written on our hearts, and there are many things that should rightly disgust us.

What does any of that have to do with healing?

Healing Along the Trail of Tears

It would be so much easier for me to simply ask for healing and then just receive it, with no effort at all required on my part. It's so tempting to want to think of God's healing as little more than getting a shot from the doctor. The catch is that the healing that both God and doctors offer come with instructions to be followed. That means I have to do something, like lose weight and exercise or let go of my spiritual poisons and help people that truly need help. That's a tall order in the days of pressing a button to change the channel on the TV, or just clicking on a link to go to another website.

But the really important things in life usually aren't about instant gratification.

In some odd bit of prescience, I titled the image above "Healing" when I had originally taken it.

Static

Late at night, on a road out in the rural areas far from big cities, someone spins the dial on the AM radio looking for a station to tune into. I've done it myself many times. Some of the channels are empty, some may have a distant signal that will come in clear enough to understand easily. Much of the time, you'll hear two or more stations from afar, struggling to gain the radio's full attention.

As the stations fade in and out, you can sometimes hear a weaker signal that remains steady underneath the static and noise. With some careful attention, you can manage to listen to that station while ignoring the louder ones that waver and shift.

Listening for the still, small voice of God's guidance can be like that sometimes. For me, it can be like that much of the time. Worries, resentments, and desires all compete to drown out that one quiet voice. It takes patience, practice and attention to consistently listen for it.

Fog

It's a very foggy morning around SouthEast Texas today. A fairly common occurrence during this season, when the ground and Gulf waters have been cooled by Winter, and warm humid air moves off of the Gulf of Mexico. Most of the time, the fog will lift by mid-morning, but sometimes, it stays foggy for days.

It's hard to drive; the visibility is low, and the roads are slick. Cars slide around, and hit each other or go off of the road completely. It's hazardous until the warmth of the sun lifts the fog and dries the road.

It's similar to what can happen in our lives and hearts at times. Events and things cause the view to become hazy, but we think we can guide ourselves safely, because we've managed OK so many times before.

The Pain and Joy of the Kingdom

A couple of days ago, my good friend Lindy and I were talking about the different Bible classes we're in, and some of the subject matter that comes up. She spoke of the thought that so many of us have about what it will be like "when we see Jesus", in terms of how Heaven will be. That part of our discussion stuck with me, and brought up some disquieting thoughts in me.

He comes to bring a sword, not peace. Not to fight earthly wars, but to attack and pierce my selfishness and contentment. His Word slicing my soul and spirit, judging my heart.

His Kingdom is in our midst/within us. Luke 17:21 can be read both ways. It's in the sometimes vast gap between us, and in the depth of our own being.

The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. But I have to reach out my hand to touch it.

Who Am I, Part Three: A Brother

There are a lot of times that I really wish I could find, and be with God completely in my solitude. It would be a lot less painful to just go and sit under my personal bodhi tree and be at one with Him, rather than looking for Him where he is truly to be found.

The sunken eyes of the hungry children. The cries and tears of the widow. The anger of the betrayed. The nameless dread of the condemned prisoner.

In other words, in you; in the hunger, loneliness, anger, and fear that is in you.


You scare me.

Who Am I, Part Two: The Orphan

In my previous post, I wrote of who I am in God's view, in terms of a relationship with Him, and His promises. It's important to understand who I am in relationship to myself, and why I so desperately need the gifts He offers.


I'm a fraud.

A lying, deceitful fraud.

Ask me how I'm doing, and I'll tell you that I'm feeling great, and everything is fine. Can't have you thinking I'm weak or needy. I'll even pretend to be interested in how you're doing, but in my mind, a dozen things are vying for the top position of my attention. Important things, mind you, like worrying about something that may or may not happen tomorrow, or trying to set aside some time for self-loathing.

The funny thing is that when my mind is occupied with those boogeymen and imagined needs, I rarely stop to think about what my true needs are.

Who Am I: The Adopted

It's a cool, rainy day today. Sitting in my workshop, watching the rain fall, I'm thinking about a question posed in a Bible class that I currently attend: Who am I, really?

Looking below the surface at this question brings up a lot of strong feelings in me. Am I my mistakes, my errors, my failures? Many days, I feel that way. But those define me only if I choose to let them; they are simply a part of me and what I have done in life.

New Year's Day

It's going to be a good day, and I believe this year will be better than the last (all in all, last year was much better for me than many previous years.)

One thing I know that will be better is my spiritual growth. We have some great classes coming up at our church, and I'll be able to participate in several of them. I think I'm looking forward to that the most this year. Along with that comes feeding my soul better things. I have several books on my Kindle by N. T. Wright, Henri Nouwen, Francis Chan, Rob Bell, and others that I will get through in the first quarter this year.

Christmas Gifts

I was just watching the local morning news and the station had asked on their Facebook page if people had gotten the gift they wanted. After a night and morning of listening to Andrew Peterson's "Behold The Lamb of God", the joy so many people take in materialism struck me wistfully.

Love.

It's the only real gift there is.